It’s Not You, It’s them. Here’s Why Getting Ghosted Could Actually Be The Best Thing That Ever Happened to You.
Ghost·ing (noun):
It is an unfortunate occurrence in the modern dating world when the potential rishta you’ve been talking up goes “poof,” or disappears without a trace. No texts, no calls, nada. This phenomenon often leaves you with a million questions wondering if there was anything you could have done differently and why this person did not have the common courtesy to send you a simple text saying “I’m not interested.”
First of all, let’s be clear: Ghosting sucks. From the lack of closure to the sheer uncertainty of them returning “to life” to bringing up the unwanted feelings of rejection from past relationships, ghosting can really haunt you. Whether you have been on one date, or you have been dating this ghost for a while, it is important to process your feelings in a healthy manner before you step out into the dating apps with a renewed sense of self.
In today’s dating world of swiping left and right, it is almost inevitable that you will encounter a ghost or two on your way to your soulmate. Some even say it has become a dating “rite of passage.”
According to an online poll we conducted, 100% of you reported being ghosted by someone else. In my experience as a relationship expert though, it is how you respond that can transform being ghosted into the best thing that ever happened to you.
So, how do you positively respond to a ghost?
Step 1: As counterintuitive as it sounds, thank them. They showed you their true colors early on, thus saving you a LOT of time and energy down the road had the relationship continued. This alone calls for a moment of gratitude, which fills you up with happy hormones and creates more abundance for you: both in love and in life!
Step 2: Realize that “them” ghosting you is a “them” problem, not a “you” problem. This ghost displayed unhealthy levels of communication that are simply unsustainable in a lifetime partnership like marriage. They did not have the maturity to share their true feelings with you, which has everything to do with the emotional baggage they have to overcome.
If you’re really feeling generous, though, you can always recommend therapy to your ghost before letting them go forever. That’s one way of paying it forward that will leave you feeling so much lighter afterward.
Step 3: Understand that YOU are absolutely the biryani. Your relationships are the “raita” – simply there to complement your inner wholeness.
Being ghosted is a challenging situation. It really tests your relationship with yourself! If, after being ghosted, your mind races to, “What was I missing? Why wasn’t I good enough for them?” or even “If only I was XYZ, they wouldn’t have ghosted,” this is a powerful indicator that you need to gently and compassionately look within.
Remember that getting ghosted has absolutely nothing to do with you; in fact, it has everything to do with the person who ghosted you. Nonetheless, if a ghost makes you react to him or her by questioning your self-worth, it could definitely be time to pause and get to know yourself on a deeper level.
This is the ideal time to work with a professional to help you revive the most important relationship of all, the one you have with yourself!
With the healthy self-image you choose to work on after being ghosted, you will absolutely become a magnet for the right person. It gets even better, though! Your investment in loving and accepting yourself will be the bedrock of your future marriage. Feeling loved, cared for, and supported all begins by loving, caring, and supporting yourself 🙂
This way, when you are happily married to the love of your life, you can confidently say, “Getting ghosted was actually the best thing that ever happened to me!” Phew!
Step 4: Being ghosted actually creates space for the right person – if you let it.
When you take the time to do the inner work, set healthy boundaries, speak up for your needs, revive your inner Salman Khan-level confidence, and gift yourself with unconditional love first, you are able to filter out the wrong rishtas so much faster.
If you keep focusing on what you could have done differently, or why the ghost did what they did, you will keep wondering forever. They did what they did. It is time to own the experience and allow yourself to lovingly move on with confidence.
By finally accepting that you did get ghosted and evolving from the version of yourself that held onto the ghost, you are organically creating space for your soulmate. Let it happen by letting go.
Step 5: Become highly intentional about how you show up in new relationships.
Now that you know exactly how painful it feels to be ghosted by someone else, it is likely that you will re-evaluate why you are dating in the first place, as well as how to respectfully turn down the wrong partner.
An easy way to figure out why you are really dating is to journal it out. Ask yourself and listen to the answers in the silence that follows. Is it because you desire a partner to do life with, as a team? Or, are you dating for someone else’s approval or validation? By shifting your mindset and dating intentionally, you are effectively setting the foundation for a healthy marriage – for life.
Similarly, instead of ghosting the wrong person because it is easier for you, try being vulnerable. It is one of the bravest things you can do, both for yourself and for them.
Try saying something along the lines of, “It was great getting to know you, but I am going to be honest with you. I just don’t see this progressing further romantically. Take care, and I hope you find what you are looking for!”
See how much kinder that is than simply ghosting? It saves you a boat-load of guilt, helps you sleep better at night and generates the positive energy that destiny will bring back to your doorstep. This, my friends, is the kindness our modern dating world needs.
That brings us to the end! These are the five mindful steps that will transform getting ghosted into the best thing that has ever happened to you (and perhaps our planet).
At Rishta Auntie App, we strongly believe that healthy marriages will heal our world. We know how hard it is to navigate the modern dating world; this is our motivation for creating relationship content that provides you with tremendous value.
We would love to hear your suggestions, questions and comments so we can make the journey to the love of your life full of self-understanding, warmth and compassion.
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